6 Step Weight Loss Plan

Since I quit smoking almost a year ago I have gained a very unwelcome 10kg. To be honest I can only attribute the first six to the lack of nicotine, however the remaining kilo's are put down to good old fashioned eating.

Some smartass at work decided that we should be fed at the company's expense to avoid any unnecessary out of office visits to Nando's; Pizza Perfect and Pick 'n Pay. Hotdogs on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays; and toasted sarmies (cheese and tomato) on remaining days. As if I don't get enough carbs, fats and sugars there; I eat out with friends way too often (you will be invoiced if Step 6 below is enforced!)

I'm certainly not bordering on obese, but when you're as vertically challenged as I am, 10kg doesn't have much space to spread out. I am feeling awfully uncomfortable in myself and the bottom line is I can't fit into my clothes. I am a full size larger than I was this time last year and since I am not prepared to spring for a whole new wardrobe when I have a perfectly stylish one already, I am determined to lose the weight.

Step One

I will be power walking around my complex in the mornings before work. At first I was very against this idea for fear of loneliness, but since having acquired an MP4 player (told you it was a brilliant birthday!) I will have the latest tunes to help keep up my pace.

Step Two

In the evenings I will step. Yup, I am buying a step machine. The Diva's teacher is selling me her white elephant that doubles as a clothes horse. And at R100 it is quite the bargain! I plan to dust it off and oil the springs and get to stepping!

Step Three

I am going to quit drinking coke. I figured if I could quit cigarettes after a disgusting eighteen year habit, I can lay down the can. I will substitute my cola with water - flavoured of course. I also plan to cut down, I repeat c.u.t. d.o.w.n. on coffee. Not quit!

Step Four

Goodbye Top Deck. *Sniff* It's been fun, but this slab-a-day habit has got to go. *Sob* This decision saddens me immensely, but until those Soviet jeans (part of a prize courtesy of winning a game show on TV) go over the hips you shall not pass these lips. Sorry.

Step Five

Being over 20. Er, I mean 30, I am going to need some assistance in fighting the flab so I have enlisted the help of Herbex Age-Group Weight Loss Formula. I do not feel guilty. So leave me alone to pop my pill.And if all else fails ...

Step Six

And if all else fails, I will resort to surgery. Liposculture liposuction, whatever the latest trend is! And I will not feel guilty about this either. But one way or another I am getting my figure back!

What To Do With Ex Boyfriends?

Ex boyfriends. Where should they be?

The reason for this profound question is that a plethera (hehehe, ok, not that many ... but I was determined to use that word in my post!) of ex-boyfriends have recently come back into my life.

One I'm very grateful for is my 'high school sweetheart'. That's about as best a description I can offer. Anyway, through a mutual friend on Facebook, yes Facebook, we got in touch again after 16 years. We've been sms-ing each other a few times a day for a few months now. We talk on the phone a few times a week; and meet for coffee once every few weeks.

He has not changed a bit in all the years. His amazing sense of humour; his gorgeous smile ... I'll stop there! Anyway it has been so great to reminisce about the good ol' days, because they really were, the good ol' days.

It is also good to have a new friend in the form of an old one. And butterflies still remind me of you!

Birthday Review

My Birthday was fabulous! I have never been so spoilt on any previous Birthday or other celebration for that matter. I would love to brag about the stunning jewelry; fragrant perfumes and marvellous electronic gifts I received but that would be tacky. So I'll just say that my family, friends and colleagues really love me!

My special day was immediately followed by my baby brother's which was immediately followed by my step-mothers; so it was three days of non stop celebration with copious amounts of Drosty Hof. I have still not completely recovered from all the festivities and my sinus's have taken strain hence I will be taking it easy this weekend (aside from last night's cocktail party, of course!).

More good news in the life of Moi ... I resigned yesterday! And I do not have another job to go to. Hehehe before you think I've gone loco let me let you in on a little secret ...

I have not one, but two opportunities of $elf-employment. Yes my friends, family and fans, after a two year absence I am going to have the honour of having ME as a boss again! My first business is an internet marketing company, and as soon as I conclude the terms with my first client later next week I will be telling you all about it. Trust me, you'll be hearing about not much else for the foreseeable future! My second business is a partnership with T (ex). A few months ago he headed north to the lowveld to start up his own business and he is doing so well he now requires the assistance of an experienced business manager. Enter Sharon. Tex and I will be creating self-employment opportunites for others and promoting healing and good health. Therefore I will not feel guilty making hobbles of money.

And the final bit of good news is that it is finally Spring. This has been one of the coldest winters for me ... or perhaps it was being single in winter that made it so cold. Either way I am thrilled that Spring has sprung and my mood with it. This also means that the kids and I will be spending most of our weekends by the swimming pool, which means *gulp* I need to fit back into my bikini. Er, maybe I'll splash out and buy a new one instead!

And now in more sombre news; this week:

My cellphone had a bath
I was hit by a taxi
My portable DVD player gave up the ghost
My step-grandmother once-removed passed away
The kids have been possessed by Damien

So that's the good and the bad ... and now for the really not so ugly at all ...There is, well there might be Someone (Bandit, wipe that grin off your face!)... but I am not saying much more on the subject as I have a habit of blabbing my mouth only to have egg on my face at the end of day. So to avoid any hexing and hoaxing and until I've confirmed my status, single or otherwise, I'll keep my blabber shut!

August 1996

I was granted a divorce and full custody of D-Max in August. August 16th 1996. Thereafter my boss took me on a shopping spree! I remember what I bought (or rather, was bought for me) but I don't recall the name of my attorney.

But I remember at the end thinking, Is this it? You stand in the witness box, the attorney says a few things to the judge, the judge asks you a few questions; you answer a few questions, the judge grants the divorce. You walk out of the witness box.

I've been divorced so long it's hard to remember that I was ever married actually.

What is the message from the Universe when:

(1) your cellphone has a bath and even after lengthy drying with the trusty hairdryer, it still doesn't work; to be followed by

(2) my spare phone being 'sim locked' and no code I can think of unlocks it and to top it off

(3) D-Max's cellphone is almost flat and I can't find his charger and he's asleep so I can't ask him. Without waking him up of course.

August 2001

It's my birthday in 4 days time. I get a bit reflective over this time. So bear with me.

Big things always happen to me in August. 'Big 'as in life-changing; some breath taking moments and some traumatising incidents.

Let's see ... I was born in August! Hey, that's a big deal to ME you know!

My next few blogs are going to about these events. The Good. The Bad. And the Ugly.

I was hijacked in August (2001). MJ was in the car with me at the time!!! We were actually 'reminiscing' about that night. She was traumatised badly. And I had my two foster daughters with me. (Yup, I'm the Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe. No, scrap that. I'm the 'Ol Lady Who Lived With A Lot Of Shoes!) They were 2 and 3 at the time, and I had to beg with the hi-jackers to let me take them out of the car. *Shudder* I don't like thinking about that night.

My two foster daughters came to live with me and D-Max in August! I saw an advert in our local newspaper in the personal ads (no, don't get any ideas!). It was an adoption home looking for families to become foster parents. The ad also mentioned that two little multi-racial girls were looking for a home. (they worded it better, mine sounds like an ad for puppies!) D was 6 at the time and independent enough to handle another child in the family; and I was longing for a baba. And I thought, what a beautiful way to give back to the Universe. I got in to touch with home and made an appointment to meet with the Matron and social worker.

After the initial interview I was accepted to undergo a course and follow the screening processes in my application to become a foster mother. I enquired as to the two little girls and was informed that they were back with their mother and they were going to 'give it a try'. To be honest I was very disappointed. The thought of those little girls running around my house was so appealing and my motivating factor in getting hold of the home. But by that time I had become engrossed in the courses and the interviews and the home visits; I was very committed to giving any child a place in my home, my heart and my family.

Ironically, before the scheduled end of the course I received a call from the wonderful social worker to say that the two little girls I had enquired about urgently needed a place of safety as they had been severely neglected. I thought "Wow! I need to go shopping; I need to get the girls room ready."

There was no time for shopping or making the bed however, as I had to go to the home to fetch them now. At a social workers visit that day, they found that the alcoholic drug addict prostitute mother has deserted the girls, once again, to find herself in Hillbrow. She had left the girls with her mother; an alcoholic woman herself, whose own children had gone through the welfare system.

So that afternoon I was Mom to two more little angels!

It was a beautiful experience in love; one that words can never convey.

I fell in love with the baby instantly. One look was all it took. She even looked like Daniel and I! When they left for another foster family I was devastated. The weird thing ... eight months later I was pregnant with The Diva. The weirdest thing ... The Diva looks exactly like the Baby. If I show people photo's of the Baby, they think it's The Diva; even madam is convinced it's her in the picture!

It was certain the older one had FAS (Foetal Alcohol Syndrome) as she exhibited many of the symptoms, and with the mother's obvious history ... so sad.

I miss my BooBoo's. But they did teach me the true meaning of unconditional love. A small matter such as DNA did not get in the way of me loving my children.

Bridge Over Troubled Waters

There is this guy that I have been seeing for a few weeks now. Until recently we enjoyed a fabulous relationship, but yesterday he really hurt me, he even made me cry. And the worst part? I'm going back for more.

Rewind.

I'm talking about my dentist.

A few weeks ago I took the Diva for her first dental appointment and she needed two fillings in her front teeth. This magical medical man managed to complete the procedure sans an injection and with minimum discomfort to my little angel.

I was in love!

A week later one of the fillings dislodged and we had to return to McCreamy. Once again The Diva sat still for more than fifteen minutes without so much as a flinch. By now I was head over heels.

I have a missing tooth in the bottom left rear section of my mouth (biltong, yeah really). It has been gone for a few years already but the discomfort has steadily increased to the point where I have to fill the gap. McCreamy's initial advice was for me to receive an implant but by the time he was finished describing the procedure I was deathly pale and my jaw clenched shut. I opted against his recommendation and instead selected option two: a bridge.

Yesterday was preparation for the bridge which involved filing down the adjacent teeth for caps to fit over. Now in order to painlessly drill the enamel you need to anesthetize your patient and for that you need an injection. Now I'm not afraid of needles. I'm not even afraid of needles going in with the intention of drawing something out. I'm so brave I can even handle a jab in the nether regions for a vitamin B12 shot! What I am afraid of is injections in my mouth with that dreadful poison that hurts like hell no matter how many times you rub my gums with strawberry flavoured 'number' (pronounced 'numb-er' not 'number').

I warned McCreamy and informed him that I am nowhere near as brave as The Diva. It was only when the tears were streaming down my cheeks and my white knuckles clenched around the arm of the chair that he heeded my confession. By then it was too late. I was immensely embarrassed and kept my eyes closed for the entire duration of treatment. After my allotted 45 minutes I dazedly scampered out of the electric chair, garbled a slobbery 'shee you nexsht week'; and made my way to the reception where I scheduled my next appointment to receive the bridge (over troubled waters).

All My Children Ep. 2

When D-Max and I moved into our complex eight years ago, he befriended a lovely young girl MJ who fast became a fixture in our household. We also got to know her family and they were only too happy to have her spend a great deal of time in our home, so much so that one day I was summonsed to a family pow-pow to discuss the future of MJ.

Present were MJ's mother, father, maternal aunt and myself. On the agenda; the possibility of me adopting MJ as they felt they could no longer look after her and she didn't give me the problems that she gave them. Picking myself up from the floor I enquired whether perhaps she could just stay with me on a temporary basis because adoption is, well permanent and if I go through with it I'm not about to hand the child back over should they have a change of heart. Provisional custody was not an option as far as they were concerned and I left with the promise of giving it much thought. As much as I wanted to adopt MJ and be a mother to such a big hearted child; I felt her parents were being extremely irrational and in the absence of abuse, could find no legitimate reason to take on MJ and so declined their request.

I continued offering MJ my guidance and an open door to my home and heart. She grew up, became a very beautiful intelligent young woman, and suffered no ill effects from her family. And then the wheels fell off.

Without exposing all of MJ's personal tragedies in detail, two years ago her mother felt that I was no longer a positive influence in her daughter's life and requested rather firmly that I break off all contact. With MJ still being a minor I had no say in the matter andrespected the wishes of the family.

A few weeks ago MJ tracked me down and disclosed all the tragedy that ensued after my disappearance. It included two run aways; severe physical, emotional and verbal abuse; and a horrific attempted suicide which led to a brief stay in a psychiatric hospital. When I took her hand and saw her mutilated wrist my heart broke and I was almost physically ill. My eyes welled up with tears I was flooded by the guilt of not adopting her when I had the opportunity; deserting her at the wishes of her mother and not being there for her when she needed me the most.

Her family has moved to Cape Town and she is currently living with her boyfriend at his mother's house. This afternoon she phoned me asked if she could come live with me because there is trouble in paradise and her only other option is returning to her family. She offered to do the cooking (she knows my culinary skills are in short supply); baby-sit the kids so that I can get a break and help financially with groceries and household supplies. I accepted her offer of cooking and kidding and rejected any monetary assistance.

So tomorrow my 'daughter' comes home.