6 Step Weight Loss Plan

Since I quit smoking almost a year ago I have gained a very unwelcome 10kg. To be honest I can only attribute the first six to the lack of nicotine, however the remaining kilo's are put down to good old fashioned eating.

Some smartass at work decided that we should be fed at the company's expense to avoid any unnecessary out of office visits to Nando's; Pizza Perfect and Pick 'n Pay. Hotdogs on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays; and toasted sarmies (cheese and tomato) on remaining days. As if I don't get enough carbs, fats and sugars there; I eat out with friends way too often (you will be invoiced if Step 6 below is enforced!)

I'm certainly not bordering on obese, but when you're as vertically challenged as I am, 10kg doesn't have much space to spread out. I am feeling awfully uncomfortable in myself and the bottom line is I can't fit into my clothes. I am a full size larger than I was this time last year and since I am not prepared to spring for a whole new wardrobe when I have a perfectly stylish one already, I am determined to lose the weight.

Step One

I will be power walking around my complex in the mornings before work. At first I was very against this idea for fear of loneliness, but since having acquired an MP4 player (told you it was a brilliant birthday!) I will have the latest tunes to help keep up my pace.

Step Two

In the evenings I will step. Yup, I am buying a step machine. The Diva's teacher is selling me her white elephant that doubles as a clothes horse. And at R100 it is quite the bargain! I plan to dust it off and oil the springs and get to stepping!

Step Three

I am going to quit drinking coke. I figured if I could quit cigarettes after a disgusting eighteen year habit, I can lay down the can. I will substitute my cola with water - flavoured of course. I also plan to cut down, I repeat c.u.t. d.o.w.n. on coffee. Not quit!

Step Four

Goodbye Top Deck. *Sniff* It's been fun, but this slab-a-day habit has got to go. *Sob* This decision saddens me immensely, but until those Soviet jeans (part of a prize courtesy of winning a game show on TV) go over the hips you shall not pass these lips. Sorry.

Step Five

Being over 20. Er, I mean 30, I am going to need some assistance in fighting the flab so I have enlisted the help of Herbex Age-Group Weight Loss Formula. I do not feel guilty. So leave me alone to pop my pill.And if all else fails ...

Step Six

And if all else fails, I will resort to surgery. Liposculture liposuction, whatever the latest trend is! And I will not feel guilty about this either. But one way or another I am getting my figure back!